From Jughead's Crown to Your Insignificant Town

The Crown is moving

Jughead — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 17:22:00 GMT

So I am finally accomplishing the lifelong goal of having my own TV show, which thanks to the Internet is entirely too easy. I am expecting to move all my comedic stylings to my new site, so I don't think I will be here as often as I was. Don't worry. I'll still be with Agouti. But I'll be blogging at my new site:

http://www.joelshitshow.com

Yeah. I already have a hit show. Or something like that. I am uploading the first episode now, and you will get to read all about it on my new site when it's done. I originally got broadband because I thought it would ban broads from using the Internet, but now I see there are better uses for it.

It's not always Fox News Channel that has bad reporting

Jughead — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 15:08:00 GMT

Check out this headline from Yahoo!'s home page:

"Oil Rises Above $74 a Barrel"

Considering it's been above $74 for most of the past week, this is a very misleading headline. When it was $78 per barrel, that would have been the time for this type of headline.

Speaking of which, because of a recent pig-weighing scandal, the county fair has adopted a new slogan to get people to come back out:

"Fair, and balanced!"

It's a 20-cent listing day on eBay

Jughead — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 14:17:00 GMT

Tomorrow is, too. Any auction or fixed-price listing that starts before midnight Pacific tomorrow night will be just 20 cents to list. What a freakin' deal. If it weren't so damn hot, I'd do something about it.

Pee-Wee's Playhouse made a boob, ooh!

Jughead — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:43:00 GMT

The secret word was "time," and Pee-Wee said, "It's time for your nap, Pterri," and no one noticed!

Why the Internet rules

Jughead — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 07:03:00 GMT

I can make obsessive confessions to artists that I like, and they write back an hour later thanking me.

http://www.dotallison.com/cgi-bin/dotyabb/YaBB.cgi?board=general;action=display;num=1153171834

This is much better than receiving a restraining order!

Spare this air

Jughead — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 17:06:00 GMT

Pollution rules. I had to go to Hayward today for a dentist appointment, and now I don't have to pay for it, because it's a Spare the Air day. Now I get to go for free.

I love programs like these, but don't think for a second they do any good. People don't take transit because it's too expensive. It's already cheaper than driving. People don't take transit because it's transit. The whole thing is a political maneuver to make someone look good. But hey, that's fine with me.

An inconvenient truth

Jughead — Sun, 16 Jul 2006 17:16:00 GMT

I have been a little behind with my magazines on eBay. So I finally sold a Rolling Stone from June the other day. I tend not to read the magazines that I sell. I am busy, and people can tell they've been thumbed through. However, this article forced me inside:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10432334/was_the_2004_election_stolen

It's long, but interesting. Key points include a Democratic-dominated precinct with 7% voter turnout and a Republican-dominated precinct with 99.85% voter turnout. Unlike in 2000, I was convinced that Dubya had somehow earned this victory, but I was apparently wrong.

Sure, in this article there are some liberties taken (no pun intended) when analyzing the data, which I found unnecessary because the data alone would have been enough to make a good case for John Kerry winning, but if you have half a brain you can read past the political bent that this article shoots out.

Reading this brought me to a different conclusion however: We are worse off for this article having been written.

Let's look at it this way. This issue went on newsstands more than a month ago. Something of this magnitude should have had a lot of attention called to it if people really cared about their democracy. I would have heard about it on the news or in the paper or, well, something! Just because P.J. O'Rourke didn't write it doesn't mean it's crap. So why are we worse off?

There are two angles to explain this with. First, let's look at the people that have thought all along that something was fishy about the 2004 election, or maybe just people in general that remember 2000 and wondered about 2004's. If you read this and get outraged, and we're talking a Tony Bruno level of outrage, you expect to find a place to share your outrage. Whether this is a talk show on the radio, a march to Washington or some other sort of demonstration, you have to think you aren't alone. Well, I didn't hear anything about anything happening. If you feel strongly about something, and no one around you cares (happens to me all the time -- that's what makes me me), you start to question yourself and your values, because surely you wouldn't have isolating values that no one agrees with, right?

Secondly, let's look at those who voted for the president in 2004 and those that believe the election was accurate (specifically still believing this after reading this article). These people read the article and see no uproar. The powers that be see this article, see no uproar and realize that they totally got away with something! In addition, what works once will work again. And this is hardly the first time that this has occurred in politics, let alone American politics. So expect this to happen again. And again.

In the end, the repressed feel more repressed, and the upper hand sees validation of their effort from a lack of response from the other side, all from the publication of this story. Despite good intentions, the opposite effect has been achieved.

Honestly, this article should be seen as a status quo update of politics. The pragmatist should not have been outraged because he knows this happens, but most people are not pragmatic.

I don't know what the answer is. It isn't even that people are stupid (although many sure are). People are much more selfish than they claim to be, and the GOP does more to help the selfish than the Democrats do. Granted, this is a huge generalization, but generalization is what wins elections.

I just can't burn out on shows now

Jughead — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 16:24:00 GMT

Thanks to figuring out that I can make movies with my digital camera, it gives me something to do.

I'm sorry. I've been to hundreds of shows in my life. I just can't get it up for a show anymore. But now, I have to focus my energy on holding the camera still. That's the way to be!

I mention all this because I saw Paula Kelley last night, or at least the first hour of it. I figured a 10 p.m. show would be a piece of cake if I took Caltrain. The last train was a 20-minute walk from the show, and it didn't leave till 12:01, so I should be fine.

Well I forgot that rock shows don't start as scheduled. She went on at 10:30, and after an hour, I had to leave. Apparently, I only missed two songs, but one was a Bee Gees cover. I mean, sure, I am not a fan of the cover song, but c'mon -- it's the Bee Gees!

So I have a bunch of files to upload to Google Videos and YouTube. I will post a link when they are done. The good news is that they should sound fine. The Jolenes' movies turned out like crap because of Christina's bass. It totally distorted the sound. I don't know whether to expect that from any live performance with bass or maybe that's just the acoustics at Dante's.

The window

Jughead — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 15:39:00 GMT

There needs to be a name for this: When gas gets more expensive, mass transit gets more expensive, but not right away. For about six months, fares don't catch up to the increased price in gas, and that six-month window is a great time to get on the train. I cannot think what this era should be called.

At any rate, I am taking Caltrain to the city tonight to see Paula Kelley, who apparently is the bee's knees. If she is the bee's hips, I'll be happy enough with that. A round trip will be like $10. I'd burn about three gallons of gas to make the trip, so that's a breakeven proposition until you realize she is playing half a block from Montgomery BART, where there is no parking.

So if you're ever going to take mass transit, do it now, before the fares catch up to the price of gas again.

Not so bright

Jughead — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 21:30:00 GMT

My gym is having a sale on multivitamins, and they did not make a good sign for it. It says "Multivitamin sale! 2 for $9.99," but it doesn't say two of what. Obviously, they mean bottles, but I don't know that!

So I said to the guy at the front desk that those vitamins must be pretty good if I only get two for 10 bucks. In response, I got the blankest stare ever.

Discounted major-label CDs

Jughead — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 16:19:00 GMT

You know the drill: A class-action suit has been filed against BMG, and anyone and their brother can participate because there is no way to prove anything. The result: up to five CDs from their catalog for about $4 each. More information is here:

http://www.bmgmusic.com/stelk/settlement

Knock yourselves out.

Family Guy Mad Libs

Jughead — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 15:15:00 GMT

"It's like the time when I (insert pop culture reference)."

Repeat for 22 minutes, and you have an episode.

Say cheese

Jughead — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 14:39:00 GMT

A non-native speaker of Spanish should not be coining new terms, but many years ago, I did just that. In Spanish class in high school, I learned that "cesos" was the word for "brain." Well, I already knew that "queso" meant cheese, so it didn't take long for me to say that people had brains of cheese, as an insult. In Spanish, of course, this is said "cesos de queso."

What a brilliant, if Disney-like, insult. I will not stop until schoolchildren throughout Jalisco are taunting each other with it.

An oldie but a goodie

Jughead — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 00:33:00 GMT

This is one of my favorite quotes from the '90s. I wish I had saved them up. I would be rich. Instead, my uncopyrighted creativity is on every street corner.

"The best person to get in an accident with is a raver, because she'll always have the flares taken care of, glowstick style."

It's a small world

Jughead — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 13:37:00 GMT

I hate that I can't use keywords to drive traffic when those keywords are people's names, because then it looks like I am being vindictive. There's just no way around it, so I will just have to suffer.

At any rate this is relevant today because I actually read the perfect personal ad on Craigslist. I felt like I had known the person forever, and it was just a stupid ad. Well, there was a picture, and that likely helped, but I really felt these weird connection, and it was beyond wishful thinking. So I respond to the ad, but I don't mention this. I mean, that's just creepy, you know? Save the creepiness for the first date, when you tell her you had a booger wall when you were eight.

Well, she pulled and re-posted her ad, which is nature's way of saying to the people that responded the first time, "I'm not going to write back." And that's fine. It is Craigslist after all. But something was gnawing at me. But I figured it out. This gal is someone I know from high school!

I was a volunteer at a local hospital as a high schooler. It was a nice thing to do, and it got me out of the house. There was this one girl that volunteered with me that was a couple grades below me that went to a private school. Tall and hot. I was/am not really into the whole private school thing, but when you're 16, you aren't nearly as discerning as you are at 30. Anyway, it sounded like her. So I jumped on Yahoo this morning and searched for her name. There were four responses, and they were all related to a certain prestigious university, where apparently she works... and it's medical-related. But of course!

And this all fit with her ad. So it's totally her, and the subtle snottiness of her personal ad (no, I am not bitter, honestly) totally befits her personality, which is amusing because, 14 years later, she seems to be the same person she used to be.

I remember knowing at the time that she was a high-maintenance gal that had the same values I did (in terms of health and nutrition as well as politics and religion -- hey, that almost rhymes), but it's weird how two pretentious people cannot necessarily get along. It's weird, too, how some people never change.

No, I am not going to respond to the new ad with my discovery. It accomplishes nothing, and now that I realize who she is, well, I can go out with her when she turns 40 and has a midlife (midwife?) crisis. She will still be out there. And her e-mail address where she works is readily available online.